dearsilke;

and maybe; just maybe, it’s okay

I have decided its time to let go of my past. For real this time. I  will block all the memories and all the people who are slowly leaving. I have decided I don’t need people lingering around, waiting for me to break down.

You see, that’s my problem. I’m fucked up; inside and outside. I’m a coward, I hide behind my memories and my songs. I’m a liar, I never say what I need to say, and hide everything inside. But to be honest, I guess I’m okay with it. I have a handful of people who I know are there when I need them to be.

There are about 2 who know me inside and out, and understand I’m still growing up. Who will be there when I’m stuck in the middle of the street without gas. Or when I am crying at 3 AM because I wrote a song about how the guy I’m talking to turned out to be a douche bag. Which I fell for, even though they told me not too.

Its better to be happy, then to feel miserable. I guess i’ve learned the hard way. I’ve fought my way threw, and I still have some fighting I want to let out. What good is it to feel useful and horrible in your own comfortable state. 

To the people who I will leave, I’ll miss you, but if it’s meant to be, I’ll run into you once again. Whether it’s on the street, or in my dreams.

Am I happy?

No.

Am I sad?

No.

I’m at a stage where my emotions are all over the place, and they will stay there for a while. I guess all I’m trying to say, it that this is me coming clean. Preparing myself for what’s coming next. So, I’m ready. 

At least I hope so.